Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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