if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i can run in heels then i can drive
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
