Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He did a backflip because drugs
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