"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is Oprah even human
When are your genitals available?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
