my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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