he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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