Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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