I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
