Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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