No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
