Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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