I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
