When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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