I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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