What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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