the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
