So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
