What a fucking waste of an outfit
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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