I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
