I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How does one acquire holy water?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
