Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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