His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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