its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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