She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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