I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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