You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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