areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
