We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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