I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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