We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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