Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
