Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
