I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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