it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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