upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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