My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost the right to judge tonight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
