he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
