wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
