Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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