I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
