Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
