Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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