I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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