having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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