I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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