Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
