He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
