when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
