I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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