Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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