i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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