he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This baby is an asshole
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
