my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
