:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
