Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
