There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
