I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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