So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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