He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
