I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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