I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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