is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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