I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
