Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
