Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
