The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
