at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
