so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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