He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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