Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
