I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
